Don’t Even Complain To Yourself

This quote hit me at the perfect, imperfect time. I consider myself to be much more optimistic over the last year. But you cannot revoke facts. For example, my lifts totals are in a total freefall, I was nailing 225lb for 2 on the bench, but I currently struggle to lift anything close. My basement leak resurfaced, just when I figured out are repaired the moist section of my house. There are ants building a solid case their invasion was wining out. I was feeling overwhelmed that my arduous work meant nothing. Maybe I’m not aware of my stress, or I can’t see the forest for the trees.

These ebb and flow events in life like this must happen once and a while. We all want great lives. We believe that we can earn endless wins because we “put in our time.” How can we know joy without sorrow or understand light without darkness? In some cases, we have to study and be rewarded the other side of the coin as we flip through existence. After a friendly chat, with my cousin, we agreed that the spectrum is finite for emotions. For example, the absolute joy felt by someone is the same absolute joy to another person. But the joy can be of varied reasons. One’s joy of something could be meaningless to another and vice versa, however the feeling is finite’s, nonetheless. You can’t have more joy than someone else. You may average higher, but the top is it. The pinnacle of joy is an end point that is universally equal across the board. Even your smile can only handle so much.

But the same can be said of the lows in life. Understand that emotions like anger and sadness are finite. They have to max out at the limit. You may ask about people who become violent. It’s still the same level, but a overall loss of self-control. Much like you, I know what mad is. But how we manage it makes a substantial difference.

This week, I continued to find myself frustrated and starting to give up on other things because it was becoming overwhelming. I was ready to complain, bitch, and moan about everything to anyone in a moment’s notice. I started to ask life for favors as I was miserable, and I needed special treatment.” As told in “Fight Club,” “I am not a unique snowflake.” I was the same as everyone else trying to make do with the cards dealt.

Normally, I would just vent these feelings out to others. We all do it now and again. It may reward to share the experience and get some sympathy points to confirm your effort. I used to do this at one of my old jobs all the time. I bad-mouthed people underperforming consistently. That’s kind of a shithead response to issues, right? Like I know what to do, why can’t you just do it. As this week trudged onwards, I found myself needing to complain about something. Like a buildup inside that needed to vent to feel better. Venting didn’t do anything. It served no purpose  except to put negative thoughts into the world. If we get what we give in life, then why would I actively or passively discharge that to the world?

Then I heard the quote. Don’t be overheard complaining, not even to yourself~ Marcus Aurelius.

My take was to not allow myself to complain, period. Instead, I wanted to use the bitching energy to think about my problems different. My lifts were falling, but I was better with form and still excited about benching in general. I’m not a powerlifter, I can just enjoy the process. My leak situation had improved from solid flooding, multiple towels, and buckets to clean up the mess and money on a dehumidifier to deter mold growth to a sponge amount. I also found cheap bait traps that worked on the infestation issue. There was one big piece missing to understand it better.

Attitude.

Taking a moment to understand my emotions and my attitude leveled out these anxious peaks in my day. Complaining about it was not going to solve it, but I felt better about it. But since no action was taken, during that time, I would return to the same problem repeatedly. And as life goes on, we will be presented with more or big problems overtime. We sometimes need to face the situation and allow it to change us.

So right away, my attitude changed from “I’m forced to deal with this and there is nothing I can do to stop it.” And transform it into, “Life has tough moments, and those moments are to challenge my character and build me into my future self.” Now I want more problems! This would mean I could grow even more! I can learn even more! I can become the person I look up to within myself.

So, no complaining at all right. Does this mean you are going to let another walk all over you? The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? You need to speak to these problems. You still can. Change your

attitude about the issue and you might find new actions to try. Attempt to even speak without the belief of complaint. How you say things has just as much impact as what you say. It’s like the

sentence, “I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse,” compared to “I helped my uncle jack off a horse.” They are the same words, but they can be said in diverse ways.

This week is the toughest challenge to overcome this week because I was notorious for just speaking out when I was upset. Now I must take a moment and consider my next sentence to not come off as a complaint but also how much I want to complain. In just a few days, I have stopped myself from dozens of complaints. I have not stopped them all, but I am much more aware of when that vice tries to flare up.

Maybe this helps.

·         Why do you want to complain about something?

o   Are you just frustrated? Understand the challenges in life are to prepare you for life.

·         What emotion does this make you want to share?

o   You do get what you put into the world.

·         Is it essential or a minor inconvenience?

·         How important is it to evoke this emotion?

·         How can I consider something different than what I already know?

·         How have others dealt with problem in a positive way?

·         Do I have control over the action or only control of my reaction to the issue?

·         How can I respond to be heard and yet not come off as complaining?

Speak calm and direct. Don’t use emotional words and stick to the facts and spreading only information about the issue, with intention to learn more. Be authentically curious of the process.

Lastly, show yourself endless patience. Show compassion to yourself and know it will take time to learn and get actions going. Eventually, the tide must turn, but it doesn’t mean it understands your timeframe. Getting to your goal, may take a lot longer than expected. It may cost you way more than what you could pay now, but it does pay off in the long run