Learn to Leave Yourself Alone
Though it sounds insane to have a conversation within your own head, it is not the worst place to be. It’s uncomfortable being bored and alone with our thoughts. I used to panic and drive myself from wandering off into dark places. Convincing myself constantly that I needed to manage every single thought as the most important thing ever because being smart was processing increasingly meaningful thought. I refused to allow literal peace of mind because I dreaded what might happen in my own head. Life is not meant to be easy, but it should be enjoyed. Maybe over the years, I have gone a bit crazy. Nonetheless, I’m trying to be okay being bored sometimes. Leave yourself alone. Put down your phone and find silence.
To help understand my psychology on this, there is a song called “Alone with Me” by Hopsin, and during the outro there is a voiceover by Sadhguru.
“What I'm thinking, what you're thinking is not the important thing. We're alive right now, that is the important thing. It is important that you focus on this fundamental sense of aliveness within you, and then you'll see there's a natural distance between you and your thought process. Once you create a little space between you and your mind, between you and your body, this is the end of suffering. Don't identify any thought as negative because it's just a thought. Who told you it's negative? It's just a thought, you're making it up. Maybe you like it, what's the problem? If you understand it's just a thought, it has no power. If you think it's a reality, then it destroys you.”
I noticed it was such an interesting way to end a song. The main premise of “Alone with Me” is this horrible, suicidal voice in your head tells you all the things you can’t do. It exists to make you worry. This voice oppresses and swirls thoughts of anxiety and doubt. It’s the insecurities we refuse to get over. It’s desperate comparison to others. And finally, that voice says you are powerless to do anything about it. It only exists to destroy you. Yet, we still allow that voice to speak to us. Getting through this trauma has ruined countless lives who repeatedly and incessantly focus on that voice. It becomes the only voice to hear. This voice refuses to leave you alone.
When we learn to leave ourselves alone, we can create separation. Sadhguru mentions, “a little space between you and your mind”. This is the space between you and your thoughts. Turns out, we are not able to multitask well. We can only think one thing at a time, but when we think there is a reason for every thought, we may grab as many as whip by. It’s comparable to be in a wind chamber trying to grab dollars out of the air. Confused about the chaos around our thoughts, we convince ourselves that it’s all important. Every single thought rushes by is needed. It’s not.
Think about the color red. Maybe you see an apple or “red” thing. Now think about a banana. Does the “red” color stay? No, you probably see a yellow banana and the red thing vanishes. The red thing is not important for the next thought, so we discard it for the new one. You don’t have to dwell on it. We don’t worry about what happened to “red”. I will bet one person could read that and immediately place an apple and a banana next to each other. [Remember this is just a dumb blog to keep myself writing because I assume it is something smart people do. This is not that serious. See a banana anymore?]
Sadhguru continues to mention “[space] between you and your body”. Now consider how many things you don’t have to think about. You don’t control the chemical formula to produce your stomach acid. You don’t’ get to process the enzymes of your liver. You don’t control what each red blood cell carries to its destination. You don’t even tell cells their destination. Processes all over your body continue to go without a single thought needed. It’s like it’s completely independent of you. Now picture trying to get your body to adjust the amount of calcium in one small foot bone, while walking. It becomes much quieter when we do not have to control everything. Some things don’t need extra thought.
Once you start creating space, it feels like a 4th wall break in a movie. This turn to the camera, directly address the viewer, stops the reality for one moment and sees you independently of the scenario. This oddly enough becomes Sadhguru’s view on the end of suffering. In this moment, you can recognize that you are alive. You are here right now, and you get to choose your focus. You are part of a story unfolding. You are independent of everything surrounding you. You don’t have to react to everything. You don’t have to think about growing your toenails. Life is a movie, and you are just directing. What should the character be focused on? What should the main character do next in this epic tale of life? Somedays, just give the character a day off. Begin to process, “what do I like to think about?” “What do I unconditionally enjoy?” Then when you are ready, envision it, and organize the filming and do reshoots by trying again.
I used to believe there was something missing when people would watch the paint dry. It was confusing to see others just stare off in the distance. How could others just sit in silence? But now I wish to enjoy watching the grass grow. It is not just to appreciate little acts of life around me, but to help set up the next scenes of life. These peaceful moments of reflection without judgement. Just let the wind blow through and twist all the thoughts into the air. Let the thought come and go and eventually, there is a calmness. And even if for a moment, you leave yourself alone.
