Motivation Sucks
Motivation is not what you expect it to be. It will not be there on the dark shitty days. Motivation is not what gets you out of bed. Getting out of bed, gets you out of bed. It’s the doing. Motivation happens when we are excited. How often do we agree to do something when we are joyful or uplifted? How fast do you say no when you feel out of it or just down in the moment? Motivation will abandon you until the next time you are happy. Just like you did that time your “friend” said, “Let’s go the gym tomorrow morning!”, when it’s 1:30am and you are clearly overserved, or you overconsumed. You are not using motivation to get out of bed, even though you were so motivated about it hours ago.
It’s more about the doing part. Doing the thing, repeatedly.
As if you could do it without thought. It’s just a part of who you are. Everyone has character traits. Even you reading/skimming this. You are “that guy” or “that girl” to someone else. You have habits and mannerisms that make you, you. The I just got too (blank), when I (blank). The patterns aren’t bad (or they might be, just be honest with yourself), but if this is not the person you want to be, then start doing what that person would. And for the love or anything… Start small. Like one thing.
One thing is easy enough. Like just graduate medical school or make a million dollars, that’s just one thing, right?
Nope.
Make your bed. Read one page. Meditate for one minute. Do one push-up. Have one less drink.
These are not going to change you overnight, but a progress of any kind is still progress. This is where the motivation starts to kick in. It sees you over there all happy about something, so it makes it’s move. it complements you for the great/little progress you made. But that motivation wasn’t there for the 5am session. It wasn’t there when you struggled and failed. It avoided you until you started to change or learn something new or found any progress. Yet, we give it so much credit.
Life is hard, life is easy, it’s everything we know plus some. It’s easy to make the needed decision when you are happy. It’s work when it sucks. So how can it suck less?
Win or learn. Boom! Both are progressions forward. You either do the thing or you learn a little more about how not to do it. Over time you become less bad at the thing you tried. On day 1, you might be terrible, but you do it as often as you can. On day 10, you found a few tricks or honed some skill to improve. By day 100, you don’t fall for the mistakes of day 1 ever.
Create some form of progress chart. It can be on old school posterboard or a computer document or even a note in your phone. Any progress is progress. When you fail, you get a better idea about what to improve next. But you keep doing it. That’s the key. Do the thing. Go for one push-up a day and before long it’s two, then four, then sets of 2-3 and so on. We cannot succeed at everything but that’s a shitty excuse for not starting anything. Start. Go. Right now! Do the first step to something.
It can be scary to uproot a habit or trait. It may be why you are still reading. Screw it. Let’s learn how to start. This part is bluntly taken from James Clear “Atomic Habits” who took it from “The Power Of Habits”
1. Cue
Find a trigger that topples the first domino. The series of when I (blank), I just have to (blank). Make it super easy to see and repeat.
2. Craving
Whether good or bad, we want things. This is the enthusiasm we have toward something. This can even be things we are passionate about. Feel attracted towards the thing. It becomes Pavlovian. Upon hearing a bell (associated to food), the tested dogs would drool in expectation of food. Start to associate the Cue with something you crave.
3. Response
You do the thing. You just start. The simplest, easiest thing. Do the thing.
4. Reward
Feel good about the doing the thing. Congrats, you did the thing you set out for. This is progress even if it failed the first million times.
For example: I bite my nails and I hate that about myself. I thought it was a nervous habit or that I was deep it thought.
Nope.
Cue While typing, I rub my thumb against my other fingernails. This causes me to feel cuticles harden or fold. I would find sharp edges to my nails. And just like dominoes, I feel something off. So I bite my nails to calm this disruption, to smooth it out. It’s crazy, but completely made sense to me.
2. Craving Now, when I’m thinking, I start to rub my fingers together and now I’m in a self-fulfilling prophecy of rough nail, bite nail, create new rough nail, bite nail. I don’t like the rough edges. I don’t know why I just do. I crave a smoother feeling.
3. Response Bite the nail.
4. Reward Momentarily smooth. Check next finger more intensely.
Now:
When I sit down to type and the computer boots up, I purposefully check my nails and have a nail file and clippers near my desk. It’s the fastest manicure in history. Now I have an easy and obvious way to correct a habit that I don’t like of myself. I do not fancy myself a nailbiter, so I should stop doing that. I don’t need to be motivated as I just do it now without thinking. Sit at desk, check nails, clip and file (into the garbage), smooth nails. I might even have really good nails if they can grow out.
Motivation is not going to be there. It will not swoop in like Superman and save the day. Superman is not real. I, of all people, am sad about this. It’s the things you do that make the difference. Set a small goal on the road to a bigger one. As you practice, you should keep the process of win or learn. Build the small steps to help over time. So when your “friend” asks you about a morning trek to the gym, you already know what to DO about it. Or at least get started, after sobering up of course.
