The Best Revenge Is Not To Be Like Your Enemy

Summer 2022 is not a peaceful time. It’s a time of escalating anger and greed. There are protests, violence, riots, shootings, assaults, death threats and more. We all are not doing an excellent job of being good to each other. We continue to rip ourselves away from helping each other to what benefits the only thing we care about… self. Some people feeling it necessary to obsess over a win because if anyone else wins it is blasphemous and blatant lies. We behold ourselves into digging deeper and pulling away from each other. Today, silly disagreements slide wildly off the deep end as people are being forced to decide what 1 of only 2 tribes you are allowed to join. Don’t think about being on the fence because like Chicago baseball, fair-weather fans get it from both ends.

As I consider the Marcus Aurelius quote “The best revenge is to not be like your enemy”, it’s a reminder of kindness. From this, there is a quote from Mr. Rogers (he was unconditionally kind in fact) about looking for helpers. When you watch the news, look for the helpers, especially when things are bleak. This reminder helped me see an interesting thing about news cycles. Like if there is a drive to make you fearful of your neighborhood. What are you doing of yourself and neighbors to instill hope, kindness, and unity? Do you know your neighbors? When do you get to interact around a common thing? Or is no one talking? If no one talks to each other, how do we learn about where we are? Or is it best served to be told your opinions? When the news starts to bring hope and kindness, its not just a fluff piece about a cute dog/cat story; but this reminder that we can do good things. The stories of a support other’s well-being and having the courage to overcome impossible odds.

Regretfully, the closest thing we had to that presence was “Some Good News.” A short-lived YouTube series where positive stories are shown from around the world. It had art, a fun weather segment, and just left you caring about the people of the world. This is what we need again. This is what we need now. However, we don’t need it from networks; we need this from our neighborhoods and social groups. How are we sharing our good news to the neighborhood? How are you helping your neighbors succeed? How will you instill hope? How could you remove fear?

I no longer want to be vengeful. I don’t want to feel angry. And instead of meeting hate with more hate, I must be willing to show more love. I do not have to let others walk over me, but I do not wish to become something I don’t expect of myself. I still must choose to be that way. I should not allow my personal feelings, no matter how strong, to incite violence against another person. If ever your action is to belittle, harm, dehumanize others then you are not behaving as a good person.

If you see this fearmongering in others, it should be best to not dehumanize or shame them into submission. This is a tactic use to create irrational thinkers. Ones who cannot act upon logic as emotions supersedes it. Does their voice raise, or they start to fidget harder? Allow them to blab on. Let them scream, yell, and throw temper tantrums. Being angry can be confusing. This is why we end up saying things we wish could take back? Simply, listen to where they need help. Are they projecting, gaslighting, or not informed? You might not be able to change them. But never allow others to take control of your emotions, you must maintain self-control and exude kindness and love.

Here is why.

1.       People often are too hardheaded to believe anything outside their comfort zone. Any attempt to learn more is scary and confusing then makes people angry. Instead, become the one who is comfortable in a learning process. Be accepting of different ideas and feel excited to gain more knowledge.

2.       People often lie or embellish to hide they are imperfect. Instead, use the truth, logic, and evidence even when the truth makes you look bad. This is integrity.

3.       More than anything else, do not reciprocate violence. If attacked, defend yourself until you can create space. Never throw “cheap shots” to surprise others. Defend and remove yourself from situation the best you can.

You do not have to behave in the same manner as an enemy. It will be tough. Stay strong. Sometimes people don’t even realize they are behaving poorly. Even then, we cannot understand the struggles other people go through. Be patient. Stay kind. Do not become them.