Enthusiasm in Failure

As human beings, dealing with failure is one of the toughest things we must do.  It can be debilitating. It can be soul crushing.  It convinces us to alter our behavior and act out in a number of different ways. One person might fall and get right back up; the next never tries again. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.  It could be because we did not prepare ourselves properly.  It could be others were at a superior place. It might just be dumb luck.  None of those matter. You may just be destined to lose that battle. Nonetheless, if the goal is important to you, then you will keep chasing it, especially when you aren’t good at it, but for some reason, it still thrills you. This week, my focus has been on a Winston Churchill quote. “Success is going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.”

All week, I have been more focused on my failures to ensure I can understand my perspective, goals and the direction I wish to take in life. Now knowing we will fail more often than win, we can try to take one thing from the experience. If we do not learn, then we will not change. The biggest setback to hinder ourselves is to honestly believe there is nothing left to learn about something.  In this moment, we develop ignorance to accept any new information. In this moment, we start to atrophy.

While the pandemic was still in full swing, I quit my job. Before that, I asked my boss if there was a way to move into a new position. I told him I was eager to learn, but my current environment wasn't helping me grow. I explicitly asked is there a skill that I can work on. Is there another way for me to offer support? I would have accepted any answer or any skill he requested (within reason, right?) He simply responded, “Do nothing for the next two years and I can help you out.” I put in my two weeks’ notice the next day.

For the next year, I could not find a full-time role at all. Sat through dozens of interviews. Spoke with every recruiter that called.  Each and every time, it was not the right fit.

I was not the right fit.

In one case, a company created a position for me just because they liked me so much. I was thrilled. Upon asking about the role, it was a lower paying, no incentivized job that reported to the role I did not get. When I asked how the roles were different, the response was basically, I would do all the same things, but they would pay me significantly less but hold me just as accountable as the manager. Pass. I was not ready for that abuse.

Some days, I would just stay in bed and drink all day. Constantly defeated and feeling worthless, I lumbered through the same mistakes on repeat. Eventually growing so numb to the calls that I had memorized the same spiel for every conversation. Each day, my bank account would tick lower, and I would obsess over the idea I would lose everything. I held onto this feeling so much, I believed it was true. Not only did I quit my job, but I also quit life for a bit. I lost enthusiasm and felt I could not learn anymore.

Looking back on that part of my life and thinking about Winston’s quote has helped me safeguard myself from going through that again. It is not so much that I think of that time as suffering, but as a chance to start over again. Though I struggled through my personal issues, I allotted myself to try and enjoy something different.  I encouraged myself to learn new things.  Understanding that if I refuse the ability to change, I would just blame all the things around me as the problem.  It was becoming a waste of my time sulking around and ruining myself.  This was still all occurring while I was starting my lifting  and weight loss journey.  This still was happening as I read books again. 

There is no way to be happy with every part of life, but once we understand we can still be enthusiastic about a single thing, we can focus on that.  During the pandemic, many people turned to sour doughs and tie-dying. Something simple that was enjoyable, we can be present in those moments.  It’s when you feel like you are really “in the moment”, there is a reason for that.  Your path has something to do with that task.  It’s straightforward and easy for you to comprehend, even if you can’t explain it. 

This feeling will return to my life. At some point, I will sulk and be mad or just poison myself to endure something difficult. Your approach might be different, but the feeling will be the same. It may help you to test a few of these ideas out. Maybe one is good enough to pull you out of that funk.

1)      Don’t quit too early.  Leaving my job was the right thing. But when you are feeling present in the moment, there is a reason.  If you keep practicing it will go from,

a.        I am terrible at this.

b.        I am okay at this.

c.        I am great at this.

d.       I am terrible at this.

2)      There is no such thing as failure with the “win or learn” mentality. The faster you learn how to fail, the sooner you will learn what to do or not do when in search of progress. I come back to the sky diver example.  If I sky dive once, it might be terrifying, but if I did it a thousand times, I have prepped for a lot of situations.

3)      Do not practice to be better, but to be less bad.  Take small steps through the process. If you really like the process, then it never matters that you are good at it.  You will be less bad by default.

4)      It may take twice as long for half the results. There are plenty of variables we do not know.  Simple things can be more complex in action. Any progress is progress.

Through life, we should face difficult choices.  We should challenge existence. We should enjoy life.  All of those things can be true at the same time.  It often boils down to the expectations and perspectives you must constantly face. If you think everything is shit, then all things look like shit. If you look at life as all these wild opportunities, then you might see it as more wild.  Or maybe just find/do the stuff you love because you love it, even when it doesn’t make sense. Just be enthusiastic about giving yourself a chance.