I Love That I Have Problems.
Going into this week was supposed to be tough and challenging. New business hurdles, multiple leadership requests and work deadlines. All sorts of reasons to be upset or high strung, however, I feel eager yet calm and collected. I actually enjoy facing my problems because they are mine. These tough moments I face are to build my character. How else can we learn patience unless patience is tested? How can you build courage without facing fear? I still must accept if I feel overwhelmed and choose how to start handling these things as I see fit. The problems will not just go away. Praying and hope won’t change it. What I can do is keep trying little by little to move the pieces to the right place. I shouldn’t expect success to appear overnight, but instead do the work to get me 1% closer to the finish line. Then even if I fail, I can ask… “Was that my best? Is this worthy of my time and energy? Who is this for?” And most importantly, “What did I learn?”
This week’s intention centered on a song lyric. The artist Bingx has a track “It’s A Big Deal.” While focusing on the music, it speaks about what to do with your life and to try to live it fully. Now, the line that stood out was. “And if you feel how I feel every day is a blessing /I’m blessed to be stressed by these bills.” I just stopped. Not because the line was “that good” but instead my brain just started to race. “Why would stress be a blessing?” Because it is.
I’m blessed that my problems are my problems. I’m lucky enough to have the thought, drive, and wherewithal to assess my issues, my insecurities, my mental harassments and so on from an open non-self-judgmental way. If I was another person, my experiences and life might not have granted me a chance to learn more about myself. We all are forced to go through tough battles that more often scar the soul (essence, whatever) instead of the skin. The richest, most successful person you see can be just as tortured, if not more, than a beggar. You end up choosing what you suffer from. You often have to select the problem, but what if it was an experience to change yourself into the thing you wish to be. Whatever you decide to focus on, of course.
Some problems today, I’ll never fully understand. My efforts into it would be empathetic at best and still not begin to scratch the surface of knowing how to help. What had often set me back would be “mansplaining”. I honestly figured if I just gave an answer on what to do would be helpful, but often it came across as show-boating or arrogant. Once, I tried to help someone overcome being told what to do by… you guessed it… telling her what to do. I didn’t realize I had done it until years later. It’s weird what thoughts cross your mind somedays. It’s better when you can take the thought and go, “At least I know more now, and I see how I could do it differently.”
Dealing with problems this week has been easier than expected. It could be the Batman level of contingency into several important factors of my life. It could be the years of finally accepting myself and not letting trivial things take up much of my time. It could be my focus started to shift to how am I serving others in my community. Am I setting out to be the person I expect of myself, not what any other person wants or expects? Funny because the ending of the song helped
“Do you love what you do? Is it nothing to you? Working from 9 until 5, if you’re late you’re fired by people who don’t give a fuck if it’s you or the next man who done what you do. And you put YOUR life through this shit, and in 40 years later, retire with nothing to do? I don’t know about you, but to me and my God, I got something to prove.”
The problems I face today I will face. The problems of my future I will face. But if I want to make the most of this existence, I need to focus on the problem of… Is this what I expect of myself? Does facing this problem lead me to become more me or less me. If more, then I’m glad it’s there to change me. If less, then why am I focused on it?
