You Are Your Choices

You choose the things that hold you back and you choose the things that drive you forward. Often, we can find ourselves in troubled waters or stuck in the mud or just stagnant. Times can feel like we are unable to make choices or feel forced into bad decisions. Especially then, you still have control. Start simple and take accountability for the things you have control. Easier said than done right. So, let’s keep trying to get simpler. You control your reactions to everything around you. You have the active choice to your response. You do not have to be or do anything. You always pick it. Though emotions can be tough, they can be controlled.

My favorite response around developing stoic virtues is that I’m emotionless. I am sometimes too empathic trying to help. I constantly feel emotions. I cry a lot, but it’s not tears of sadness, but an overwhelming sense of joy in myself or in knowing a person is succeeding in their goal. I love to hear it. Over time, this feeling is powerful. The feeling is unconditional. It feels honest. But nothing comes easy, it takes much practice.

Throughout the day, I tell people to just tell me something good about their day. The strange thing is what it reveals in people and their focus. It reveals how they currently think. Is the focus internalized? Do they reference good things externally? The common “nothing” answer is easy. It’s often met, in retort, “so everything is bad then?” The wide eye stare of momentary contemplation is sometimes humorous as you can see the shift of focus inward and scan of something positive. They do not have to even respond, but I know they are now looking for good
things.

In this, we choose our perspectives and responses. If we think of good things, then we notice more good things. Nothing has changed. The world continues, but instead of just keeping your head down, you notice the little things that were always there and pleasant.

Rest assured, the world is often on fire. We can be inundated with information to consume the day. Instead start to channel this Mr. Rogers paraphrased the quote, “When watching the news, look for helpers. They are always there.” In this thought, we guide our focus off looking for the bad and choose to look for the good. Good is subjective, so tread lightly at first. Again, this is an
active choice to see.

Now the worst iteration is when we assume we have no control of the situation, so why bother the brainpower for choosing. Just let me sulk and mindlessly walk my way to the weekend. STOP. You are always granted a choice in how you feel and how you respond. You don’t have to meet anger with anger. You don’t have to shoot back at everything you don’t agree with. When you feel this emotional swell that is not in your favor, try to coax your mind to follow a different emotion where you are the collective or thoughtful one. Grant yourself at least one full breath before you respond. If you feel scared or anxious, test feeling eager and excited. When you feel mad, meet it with compassion. Be understanding that things are tough for everyone.

Low and behold, none of us know what we are doing. The confusion or frustration to the unquestionable joys in life start in your head. Try to be more patient with yourself. I find myself asking, “why do I feel this way?” I then show unconditional compassion to myself. The standard response is that I’m frustrated something wasn’t easy or straightforward enough. I then remind myself that there is plenty I do not know, but there are plenty of things I know and people I know who know things and places to go to learn more things. Before long, I can grant myself a better chance to decide.

Now what if I fail? You might. Start it again knowing you learned something else. We don’t know it all. We are not supposed to understand everything. Therefore, things are sometimes frustrating. It is because we have a disconnect with what we know and what we don’t understand. Continue to start over. You can control your attitude, thoughts, and responses. Just don’t leave your choices to someone else. They may not be looking for your best interests.