Helping Others Unconditionally

When you are struggling to get to your goals, help someone get theirs first. It’s often hard to stop yourself from trying to get to the finish line first. The phrase, “If you’re not first, you’re last,” must have echoed to Ricky Bobby endlessly, while the other half of “Shake and Bake”, Cal Naughton Jr., made quick work to create draft and help his best friend win although it meant Cal would have to lose. We all know that we should help our friends and family, even when we have to, we sometimes do it begrudgingly. Even Cal recognized he should have been winning a few races, and only when Ricky was gone, Cal realizes his true potential in Nascar.

When we do something for others knowing nothing will be returned, is an unconditional act. It is something attuned saying or admitting unconditional love of another is beneficial to more than self. So go forth and do good things for others. Spiritual AF. But riddle me this, “When was the last time you did something unconditional for a stranger?”

I admit there was this time I was super nice and thoughtful. I remember having to drive out west for work. There was an on ramp where there was normally one rotating[CG1]  homeless person. It was very common to just avert my eyes, like they weren’t staring back at me for help. It ate me alive inside. So, the biggest thing I had to chase was how to make bad feelings stop. Nonetheless my self-gratification was more important than the wellbeing of another in actual need of help.

This is quite a problem to mentally wade through. Now what do you give? Money? Food? Water? Will they appreciate it? What if I give a lactose intolerant person cheese? Now what if that gets them sick? Now I might have caused a shitty day for a person who wasn’t having the best start. So I settled on having an extra bottle of water and granola bars just buried in the car. Then I would pull up with my outstretched hand and dump a couple granola bars and a bottled water in their hands. Boom. Problem solved right?

Not really.

I recognize my actions were not to empower or better their day but remove me of feeling guilt. Like because I had more, I had to do something about this privilege. This is completely conditional. I needed to feel powerful so I can help the less fortunate. I honestly believed I was better than others. The feeling was more pity than actually helping someone. I only know this now. If you have been here, then that’s okay too. I’m just going to learn how to do better. So I can show unconditional love to a stranger. That sentence can easily be taken out of context. But life is funny; I digress.

Never stop doing good things. Feeling a reward is important but not the endgame. Mental hormone dumps are blissful. But the notion that the rewarding feeling should offset my guilt is not appropriate. I needed to relearn the impact of guilt and why I needed to be relieved of it. What was I guilty of? Is having things an element of guilt? Is it having the resources and doing nothing make me guilty? I still need to consider this, as I have not figured it out.

So, now there is a question. Would I help them again? Knowing what I know now… Yes, but under different intention. I would treat them more like the humans they are. Not just drop these products off but humanize them again. I’m on the same daily route. Basically, the same people. I know nothing of their lives. Who they are? What happened? But think how much human interaction a homeless person receives from the general public. The repeated dismissal, disapproval, and judgements can reenforce this self-image of someone struggling. This list can be full of some of the worst negligent personality traits we can offer. Why? We don’t even care to know what happened, but still think we are superior.

Now let’s compare.

I walked over to Target. The main door was broken, so I walked around the block. The visit was straightforward. Bang. P3 or a protein bar. Get back for the double session. I round the corner and there is a man wrapped in a blanket. He is clearly cold; he muttered his situation to verbally admit it. But here is the weird moment. I didn’t feel guilty that I was warmer. I didn’t feel bad I had a coat, and he had a blanket. He needed help. It’s cold. I grabbed my desires, a pair of gloves, a knit hat, and a big pack of socks. These other items that would truly help fight off the cold. I pocketed the Bang and P3 and passed the bag of provisions to the man outside. Simply said, “please stay warm, sir” and went back to teach the second session.

On it’s face, what’s so different?

It’s small. I didn’t have to do anything, and I didn’t feel bad about him sitting there in the cold. I did it because that man was cold and in dire need of help. I didn’t need to feel better. It was a bit strange for a second when I realized it. I wanted no thanks or reward. I didn’t feel guilty or privileged. I saw a person in need of actual help and helped unconditionally. If there was more time, I probably would have spoke to the man to remind that he is still important and can build a great life. I wanted to show love and support because life is tough, and I don’t expect my life to get easier. I expect the quality decision I make to become more just and courageous and patient, and wiser.

I understand it’s hard to ask for help and some see it as weakness. It takes courage to admit you need help. So don’t be afraid to do things to help others. Don’t help because you are obligated. Don’t help because you feel guilty. Help people and expect nothing in return. Go be human to others. Build community. Showcase unconditional love and compassion. Do good things especially when no one is looking.

Now this is just an example. I don’t care if you run out now and dedicate your life to saving the homeless. Just remember that we are human. We are capable of some the greatest and worst things to exist. We are amazing, and we do our best work while involved in the community. Helping each other to reach new heights is why we became the apex of the food chain. Our ability to understand even the most impossible things and materialize it into reality is unmatched. So when you’re stuck or struggling, go to your community and start to help unconditionally. Try to do things for others and never expect a thank you or reward. Or better yet… Help them cross the finish line first.