You should check out The Elephant in the Brain
This is not what I expected from this book. It focuses on the self-serving things we do and then why we do it.
For example, the 5 “Great Apes”, including us, laugh. So, laughing has been a thing we did forever, but why? It’s involuntary when genuine. It might sound guttural. It’s instinctual, as we do it as babies without being taught. The book takes a different thought to why. It goes on about the sound is an acknowledgement of play, or this is not serious, or I’m not injured. I can note scary moments in life where I ended up laughing solely because I was perfectly fine and excusing the fear I had.
Then how is laughing self-serving? It’s not that laughing is bad, but how we use it. Laughing can be a way to hide your motives. So, let’s say some person gets picked on. Nothing bad. Like having a comfortable pair of shoes that are beat up and kind of ugly. An old pair of Crocs, type deal. Then appears, a “mean girl” type crowd and one of them delivers a quip about the shoes. For some people, it may hurt their feelings, but some people just smile and keep going.
That smile can do a few things.
1. The “mean girls” are acknowledged with acceptance of the statement.
a. Smile could mean acknowledgment
2. “Mean girls” solidify a bond as going through something together. They reinforce their benefit structure about footwear, as none of others would dare to something similar.
a. Smile from joy in bonding
3. The person does not take it serious or personal and just keeps going.
a. Person is hiding a form of shame and the smile is fake and hurt.
b. Person thinks comfort over style. Still feels comfortable. Smile is playful and disregarding
4. The person does take it seriously.
a. The person believes the “mean girls” are right and agrees to avoid further criticism
These are just a sample of what is going on between anyone involved. Even when we go back and try to replay moments again, we skew details or just misremember. Others will too. We can hide our intent and motives so well sometime; we convince ourselves that some things might not even be real. Or we can hide ourselves so much as to convince ourselves that if I can’t see the flaw then others can’t either.
It also does a wonderful job of learning split-brain people. People where the left and right hemisphere are disconnected from each other. It’s interesting how much we lie to ourselves. The study would ask one side of the brain to stand up. The body would stand up. The other side of the brain is then asked. “Why did you stand up?” Since the brain could not communicate directly, we make up an answer. One person responded with, “I was getting a Coke.” So, is the person lying? There is a lot more about other norms we develop and even why animals work together for personal greedy reasons. It enough to help you process additional intent around actions or how to just get past difficult ideas and keep moving.