You Are Who You CHOOSE to Become

You are not what happens to you. You are who you choose to become. As the intention this week, it hit harder knowing the society has exceptionally large cracks and a fair amount of divide. We faced another school shooting, and no one really wants to do anything about it. It’s like we gave up and now need to numb ourselves. Clearly thoughts and prayers don’t work. This shouldn’t get easier to endure, it should get tougher and debated at length to move forward. Even then, all suffering we face is for something. Everything has a reason to occur and that should be okay. It’s the tough decisions, using empathy and love that lead to some profound changes within ourselves. We must start with developing empathy and love and positivity of self. Then use daily actions to demonstrate these traits. Act like a shithead, you’ll earn the name shithead.

Emotions are funny. I’ve had a struggle of understanding others for an awfully long time. Being a self-servicing narcissist, your viewpoint could never supersede mine, ever. To hide my own imperfections, I assumed a lifestyle devout to project myself on others and hold them to my standards and mine alone. I thought it was being told I was a smart kid, or how I did well in school, or I just believed my parents a little too hard, but I screwed myself up a bit.

Figures, right? All problems start at the parents. No. You choose whether actively or passively to be the person you are today. No one cares about the struggles you faced to get to where you are. We are all focused on our personal battlefields of bullshit. You choose who you are based on the experiences you alone perceive. You read that correct, perceive and it may not even be reality. Human beings are notorious for rationalizing the irrational things we actively choose. The irrational viewpoint might not even come from a person looking out for your interest. Most likely it’s someone else trying to indoctrinate you into their way of thinking. This is why it’s so hard to change. We can trick ourselves or blatantly be gas-lighted into someone we don’t want to become.

But nonetheless, you chose to become what you are now and still could change yourself into who you wish to be. It just starts with who do you want to become. If you wish to become patient, do things that test your patience. Want to improve your health, then go and exercise and watch your nutrition. It always starts hard, but everyday you actively make choices of towards who you wish yourself to be, the more of that version of you will emerge.

Here are a few quick thoughts to hopefully help you see who you wish to become.

·         If someone tries to make you feel like less, if you accept a feeling pushed on you, you believe it to be true. Learn to forgive yourself at once. You will have days that will try to upset you, but you still have to choose this feeling. Turns out, you can learn to say no to it.

·         Believe in yourself. You know what is best for what you can control. You have lived a life that had struggles because you are here for some important work. You may not know it today but listen to your internal enthusiasm about topics. Recognize the things you like to think about and spend your time there.

·         Look in the mirror and ask who you wish to become. Yep, talk to yourself as a dear friend looking out for only you. You can start by saying, “I wish to become ____. My first step will be a small and difficult step, but tomorrow, I start from a new place. New opportunity. I can be what I wish.” Basically, talk yourself up about why that is of importance. Who exhibits the trait the best? Who can I talk to learn or what can I study to improve? 5-10 minutes or even a single moment a day can change your life.

·         What are you doing right now to be closer to that person you want to become? Take a moment right now. What can I do to better myself? No excuses or motivation needed. You may hear the starting ideas from the mirror.

·         You control how you play. If you behave in a way that you do not expect of yourself, learn to not do that thing. “Atomic Habits” by James Cleary is great to learn about your habits.

o   What cue starts the behavior?

o   What is the craving?

o   How do you wish to respond (in a perfect self)?

o   What satisfaction can you pull from the action?

·         People lie to you because they fear they will be perceived as imperfect. I listen for people trying to scare me into a decision of any kind. Remember you choose the people you spend time with. You start to become the people you follow/interact with the most. What are they telling you? Are they trying to build more empathy, love, and care? Or are they pushing their insecurities onto you to feel validated?

Life is not meant to be easy. It never was. You can face anything in the world and survive it. Forgive yourself. You are not what happens to you, you are exactly who you choose to become. Display the best of yourself by your actions.